A sense of mourning

I miss my BSF class so much (Bible Study Fellowship). I got so completely spoiled in them.

Every time we came together to study -- literally EVERY Monday -- you could FEEL God in the room with us. Not one of those nights went by that I didn't feel completely moved. Sometimes to tears. No, often to tears.

The evening started with a hymn, a prayer, a very short few words and dismissal to our discussion groups. We would spend about 45 minutes in our groups discussing our answers to 10-14 questions, depending on the lesson, that covered usually a chapter of a book of the Bible -- at most. Sometimes it was just a few verses.

We would end our group time with prayer requests and prayer, then dismissal to the lesson for the night.

We would gather again in the sanctuary for a couple of more hymns, prayer, then a lesson from the leader of our large group.

She always delivered such an amazing, moving message -- there was no denying that she was truly God inspired. Like I said, I never attended one of the groups without feeling very moved and inspired.

I haven't been able to find anything similar to that since BSF ended last May. I have missed the groups and messages, but today I just have this huge sense of mourning and loss over them.

I tried joining a BSF group that meets in Tyler on Monday evenings, but it was so difficult to get from work to the lessons, then possibly have to go back to work if something needed to get done.

I'm praying hard about this tonight. I want to re-join the group in the fall when a new lesson begins. I have to make sure I'm committed, though, so I don't take a spot from someone who needs to be there.

On the other hand, I feel like I need to be there.

I am also praying about the possibility that a BSF group could start here in Jacksonville. I don't know what goes in to starting a group, but I would love to see one begin.

I am craving God's presence like I used to feel, as well as those in-depth lessons and discussions.

I am so sad about this tonight, and I pray for some comfort and solace, at least. And I pray for something that will fill this yearning, gaping hole I feel.