I am really enjoying the Voices of the New Woman Movement book I've been reading, even if I've been reading veeeery slowly.
Chapter one was really eye-opening. Usually the first chapter of a book is a bit ho-hum...but not this one.
Imagine that God made men and women to absolutely and clearly reflect His love for us and our relationship with Him.
I've heard a message about being in love with the Lord and having a courtship type relationship with Him. It took me a while to wrap my head around the concept, but I finally did.
This chapter fit into that concept completely too. We as a church are His bride...it makes perfect sense we would fall in love with the Lord and all he has to offer.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The True Woman Movement
I finally started reading "Voices of the True Woman Movement" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss today. I am really excited about this book and what it may holdfor me. I have only read the intoduction, and already I have been blessed by the reminder in it that there are so many voices in our world, and all of them pull and tug us in all directions -- and usually away from God.
God should be the first voice we seek and heed, though.
The True Woman Movement is something I have read a little about online, but not much. And I sure haven't been adgerent to what the movement teaches that we, as women of God, should seek to live lives of focus on the Lord, and shun anything that is not of Him.
They will have a True Woman conference in Fort Worth in October. I want to go so bad and likely will.
There will be further posts about the book as I complete chapters, then a final "wrap up" entry about the book as a whole.
I look forward to what the book holds for me and how God will use it in my life
God should be the first voice we seek and heed, though.
The True Woman Movement is something I have read a little about online, but not much. And I sure haven't been adgerent to what the movement teaches that we, as women of God, should seek to live lives of focus on the Lord, and shun anything that is not of Him.
They will have a True Woman conference in Fort Worth in October. I want to go so bad and likely will.
There will be further posts about the book as I complete chapters, then a final "wrap up" entry about the book as a whole.
I look forward to what the book holds for me and how God will use it in my life
Sunday, June 13, 2010
I found a church home
I've been attending Central Baptist Church for a couple of months now, and I have known for a while that that was my church home. I had planned to wait and officially join when mom was feeling stronger and ready to get out and about. Well, the best laid plans...
Today there was no way I could *not* join. I knew today was the day. And all throughout the sermon, I kept trying to find reasons not to walk to the front and join -- after all, I was going to wait for mom to be there so we could stand as a family together.
God had other plans.
I have had such a strong yearning for the feeling of being directly in God's presence as I had had at BSF in Fort Worth. It's been so strong and nearly overwhelming at times.
I felt it today...several times...in Sunday school and during the service. It was so amazing and wonderful and what I have yearned for for so long. I was moved to tears several times this morning and evening at church.
When the invitation was called, I stood firm. It wasn't today...no, Lord, please. Mom's not here with me.
When God calls, though, woe be unto him who doesn't heed the call. And I knew today was the day.
So I'm now a member of Central Baptist Church of Jacksonville. I haven't been an active member of a church for 21 years...Grace Baptist, which is now gone.
It is so amazing and comforting and just RIGHT to be a part of God's family like this again. I spent so much time wandering and alone in my walk with the Lord.
And of course there was so much time during which I was not at all doing what I knew I should...when I was blatantly going AGAINST what I knew was the way I should go.
But despite it all, the Lord still accepts me with open arms. As my heavenly Father, he doesn't care that I was a screw up and did wrong. He cares only that I am repentant for those things, have turned from them and back to Him.
Lord, I praise You and thank You for Your love for me.
Today there was no way I could *not* join. I knew today was the day. And all throughout the sermon, I kept trying to find reasons not to walk to the front and join -- after all, I was going to wait for mom to be there so we could stand as a family together.
God had other plans.
I have had such a strong yearning for the feeling of being directly in God's presence as I had had at BSF in Fort Worth. It's been so strong and nearly overwhelming at times.
I felt it today...several times...in Sunday school and during the service. It was so amazing and wonderful and what I have yearned for for so long. I was moved to tears several times this morning and evening at church.
When the invitation was called, I stood firm. It wasn't today...no, Lord, please. Mom's not here with me.
When God calls, though, woe be unto him who doesn't heed the call. And I knew today was the day.
So I'm now a member of Central Baptist Church of Jacksonville. I haven't been an active member of a church for 21 years...Grace Baptist, which is now gone.
It is so amazing and comforting and just RIGHT to be a part of God's family like this again. I spent so much time wandering and alone in my walk with the Lord.
And of course there was so much time during which I was not at all doing what I knew I should...when I was blatantly going AGAINST what I knew was the way I should go.
But despite it all, the Lord still accepts me with open arms. As my heavenly Father, he doesn't care that I was a screw up and did wrong. He cares only that I am repentant for those things, have turned from them and back to Him.
Lord, I praise You and thank You for Your love for me.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Feeling at a loss
Right now it feels like everytime I advance forward a bit, I get pushed backward a lot.
Mom's health affects me a lot...more than I wish it did. I worry about her so much. She's been in so much pain for a week.
Tomorrow is the appointment with her doctor for the most recent broken bone.
We had a blow-up tonight, though, and Matt is refusing to take her, so at this point I am trying to figure out how to do my normal day, my job, and take her to Tyler for her appointment, too.
I can't ramp down enough to relax and sleep. I'm going to try again, though, because I am very tired and my head is hurting so bad.
Mom's health affects me a lot...more than I wish it did. I worry about her so much. She's been in so much pain for a week.
Tomorrow is the appointment with her doctor for the most recent broken bone.
We had a blow-up tonight, though, and Matt is refusing to take her, so at this point I am trying to figure out how to do my normal day, my job, and take her to Tyler for her appointment, too.
I can't ramp down enough to relax and sleep. I'm going to try again, though, because I am very tired and my head is hurting so bad.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
How do I encourage her??
My poor mom has been through the wringer over the last few months. First she fell on Jan. 8 and broke BOTH legs...her left ankle and her right femur.
That is after having a double knee replacement in October 2008 and then falling and braking her right wrist in July 2009.
So she's FINALLY back on the road to recovery...back on her feet and we've made this new determination that we're going to exercise and get fit and lose weight. I am going to meet her at work and walk after she's off. All kinds of things.
This morning she woke up and couldn't put weight on her right ankle. After her fall Sunday, even though she was up on her feet, she couldn't stand the pain. She went to the ER AFTER getting a tooth pulled, got an x-ray, and discovered she broke a bone in her right leg in the Sunday fall. It's the smaller one (tibia? fibula?) and it's a clean break. The doc there said no surgery. Here's a scrip for pain meds...go home and call your orthopaedic surgeon.
Tonight she called me after she got into bed. She was in tears. I don't think I have ever heard her sound as utterly defeated as she did tonight.
She was in so much pain...from the broken leg, of course, but also from a massive bruise on the same leg (see the pic on my Facebook. It's awful). She has to strain and push so hard with her arms and left leg in order to stand on that broken ankle, her arms and other leg are killing her.
She cried about possibly losing her job because of being out. She said maybe she should go into a nursing home..."anything to quit this pain." She said she is tired and she hurts and she doesn't think she can take anymore.
She said she is losing her faith...she said she knows God has her, but she's losing her faith right now.
And I can't say I blame her. I would lose faith too, I think.
Amy told me to share a verse from Joshua with her. "Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave to you; do not turn from it to the left or the right, that you may be successful wherever you go." Joshua 1:7
I think that's not exactly the verse Amy said, but it's a good one.
I just texted to her Joshua 1:9: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
How do I encourage her beyond that, though? How do I tell her, "Don't worry. God's got you and won't let you fall"?
I can't fathom how tired my mom is. She has endured so much lately...in addition to the fibromyalgia, hypoglycemia, thyroid, hard of hearing...and it goes on.
And if we were to make a comparison, I pale in comparison to what my mom has done in her life. Going back to school with two grade-school kids at home; worked three jobs while doing it; got her bachelors and masters degrees; taught high school; started a brand new career at 60 (or so).
I can only hope to be as strong and courageous as her. I can only hope to be as faithful as her.
All I know to do is pray for guidance and for the Lord to put the right words in my mouth when the times come for me to try to encourage her.
That is after having a double knee replacement in October 2008 and then falling and braking her right wrist in July 2009.
So she's FINALLY back on the road to recovery...back on her feet and we've made this new determination that we're going to exercise and get fit and lose weight. I am going to meet her at work and walk after she's off. All kinds of things.
This morning she woke up and couldn't put weight on her right ankle. After her fall Sunday, even though she was up on her feet, she couldn't stand the pain. She went to the ER AFTER getting a tooth pulled, got an x-ray, and discovered she broke a bone in her right leg in the Sunday fall. It's the smaller one (tibia? fibula?) and it's a clean break. The doc there said no surgery. Here's a scrip for pain meds...go home and call your orthopaedic surgeon.
Tonight she called me after she got into bed. She was in tears. I don't think I have ever heard her sound as utterly defeated as she did tonight.
She was in so much pain...from the broken leg, of course, but also from a massive bruise on the same leg (see the pic on my Facebook. It's awful). She has to strain and push so hard with her arms and left leg in order to stand on that broken ankle, her arms and other leg are killing her.
She cried about possibly losing her job because of being out. She said maybe she should go into a nursing home..."anything to quit this pain." She said she is tired and she hurts and she doesn't think she can take anymore.
She said she is losing her faith...she said she knows God has her, but she's losing her faith right now.
And I can't say I blame her. I would lose faith too, I think.
Amy told me to share a verse from Joshua with her. "Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave to you; do not turn from it to the left or the right, that you may be successful wherever you go." Joshua 1:7
I think that's not exactly the verse Amy said, but it's a good one.
I just texted to her Joshua 1:9: "Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
How do I encourage her beyond that, though? How do I tell her, "Don't worry. God's got you and won't let you fall"?
I can't fathom how tired my mom is. She has endured so much lately...in addition to the fibromyalgia, hypoglycemia, thyroid, hard of hearing...and it goes on.
And if we were to make a comparison, I pale in comparison to what my mom has done in her life. Going back to school with two grade-school kids at home; worked three jobs while doing it; got her bachelors and masters degrees; taught high school; started a brand new career at 60 (or so).
I can only hope to be as strong and courageous as her. I can only hope to be as faithful as her.
All I know to do is pray for guidance and for the Lord to put the right words in my mouth when the times come for me to try to encourage her.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Breaking it down
I've been yearning for that closeness with the Lord I used to feel every week in BSF. I have missed it so much, and I have been seeking it on my own and by visiting a local church.
I haven't been able to find it, though, and I have been praying to get back to that place where I could just feel the Lord right there with me. Once you've been truly in the prescence of God, you're addicted.
Nothing was getting me there, though. Solo Bible study has been fulfilling and wonderful, but just wasn't "it." The church I have been visiting is really amazing, but I hadn't felt that thing I have been missing.
This morning, the service included a presentation by a Gideon about the work they do. Of course it reminded me of Granddad and how important the Lord was to him. I couldn't help but tear up when the man was talking about the Gideons and the work they do. Granddad's been gone more than 10 years now, and I still miss him very much. I know where he is, though, and I couldn't help but thank God and praise Him that through my grandparents, then through mom, I was exposed to the Lord early in life. I realize there are many out there whose family doesn't know the peace of having a relationship with God and how blessed I am I have a family that, for the most part, knows it.
The message today was from Colossians. Death to things of the flesh so that the gifts of the Spirit can be fulfilled. It was the next in a series the pastor has presented. I haven't been there for all of the series, but it seems like it's been good, from what I can tell.
Today's message got to me, though. I have struggled with my weight for my entire life...and it's no secret I have a problem with food.
And although I have thought about it in academic terms in the past, today was the first time I felt any sort of a conviction about this unhealthy relationship I have with food...and have that conviction based solely on a Biblical basis. There is no denying it...it's there in black and white. And while it didn't say, "death to gluttony," it does say death to greed. And gluttony is nothing more than a form of greed...and greed acted upon at that.
There is a lust you feel in your heart ... and it can be a lust for anything ... and then there is lust you act upon -- giving in to the fleshly desires.
It's funny, but I remember something Dog the bounty hunter said to one of the folks they caught once. He said to the guy that he has to fight lusts every day all day...that everyone does.
And it doesn't matter what the lust is for -- sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, food -- we all feel it. But it's how we deal with it. And the Bible says put those physical, earthly desires to death.
Man.
I needed to hear that.
REALLY needed it.
So, when I left church I decided I was going to talk to mom about this epiphany I had. She and I worry about each other a lot...especially so since her latest fall and broken bones. I have been worried about her gaining strength and stamina and confidence. She worries about me and my weight, because she doesn't want me to have the same kinds of problems she has had.
I called and got her order for lunch and headed to her house.
As I got out of my car and was just about to reach back in to start hauling out the lunch goodies, I heard her yelling ... SCREAMING ... in the house. And it was the scream I recognized from when she fell in the hospital.
She was yelling, "oh no, no! Help me! No!"
I knew she had fallen.
She was trying to help me by going to open the door for me, got in a hurry and her knee gave out.
I can't explain how scary it is to hear that. Then of course I can't run, so I got to the door and in as fast as I could. Sure enough she was on the floor, flat on her face, screaming and crying.
And I didn't know what to do.
I called 911 to ask for a fall assist. Then I stood with my hand on her back, rubbing it and trying to calm her down while we waited for the EMTs to come help.
We had a long, hard talk after they left. I told mom about the sermon this morning and what I got from it. We're both gluttons. We're both scared to death about our health, too, but we both have an addiction to food.
Not to food -- to gluttony.
We talked about it a lot.
I told mom that the way I approach food is a sin. It stands between me and a normal life, It stands between me and health. Most importantly, though, it stands between me and the Lord.
I have not put to death my earthly desire for gluttony.
There is no way I can totally fulfill my desire to fully serve the Lord as long as I give in to that earthly desire. I can't be the best possible tool for Him to use if I'm not at my possible best. If I don't have the physical strength and stamina to make it through a work day then do things after work...if I don't have the ability to work my week then get up and get going on my days off. And I can't completely be the tool God deserves to have on earth and that I desire to be for Him if I am knowingly sinning every day.
This is as bad as someone who has sex outside of wedlock. As bad as someone who steals. As bad as someone who drinks constantly or uses drugs.
I knowingly sin every day and do not turn from it and have not really felt remorse for it.
I honestly think that that distance I have been feeling....no, it hasn't been a distance, but it hasn't been the closeness I have yearned for with God.
The last time I was at this point, I had a breakthrough with the guilt I have carried with me for things in my past. And it was so good and cleansing and freeing when I begged forgiveness and was truly repentent.
It's time for that again.
I told mom today this was it...that we're going to kick this. Today was a death, but tomorrow a rebirth. And it's going to be hard, but we're going to do it.
She's too young and vibrant and beautiful to hobble around on a walker for the rest of her life. She has too much to offer the world to have to be scared to just walk across a parking lot. She wants to do too much for other people to be hindered by a lack of strength and balance and confidence.
And me ... how can anyone look at me and think, "Well there goes a happy, well-balanced woman who has a good relationship with the Lord and is healthy." No way that happens.
It's time for our bodies to reflect our beliefs and our salvation.
Now I have to pray every day...every hour or minute if I have to...for the Lord to hold me and give me the strength to live the kind of life I want to now so I can be the kind of person I want to be.
I haven't been able to find it, though, and I have been praying to get back to that place where I could just feel the Lord right there with me. Once you've been truly in the prescence of God, you're addicted.
Nothing was getting me there, though. Solo Bible study has been fulfilling and wonderful, but just wasn't "it." The church I have been visiting is really amazing, but I hadn't felt that thing I have been missing.
This morning, the service included a presentation by a Gideon about the work they do. Of course it reminded me of Granddad and how important the Lord was to him. I couldn't help but tear up when the man was talking about the Gideons and the work they do. Granddad's been gone more than 10 years now, and I still miss him very much. I know where he is, though, and I couldn't help but thank God and praise Him that through my grandparents, then through mom, I was exposed to the Lord early in life. I realize there are many out there whose family doesn't know the peace of having a relationship with God and how blessed I am I have a family that, for the most part, knows it.
The message today was from Colossians. Death to things of the flesh so that the gifts of the Spirit can be fulfilled. It was the next in a series the pastor has presented. I haven't been there for all of the series, but it seems like it's been good, from what I can tell.
Today's message got to me, though. I have struggled with my weight for my entire life...and it's no secret I have a problem with food.
And although I have thought about it in academic terms in the past, today was the first time I felt any sort of a conviction about this unhealthy relationship I have with food...and have that conviction based solely on a Biblical basis. There is no denying it...it's there in black and white. And while it didn't say, "death to gluttony," it does say death to greed. And gluttony is nothing more than a form of greed...and greed acted upon at that.
There is a lust you feel in your heart ... and it can be a lust for anything ... and then there is lust you act upon -- giving in to the fleshly desires.
It's funny, but I remember something Dog the bounty hunter said to one of the folks they caught once. He said to the guy that he has to fight lusts every day all day...that everyone does.
And it doesn't matter what the lust is for -- sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, food -- we all feel it. But it's how we deal with it. And the Bible says put those physical, earthly desires to death.
Man.
I needed to hear that.
REALLY needed it.
So, when I left church I decided I was going to talk to mom about this epiphany I had. She and I worry about each other a lot...especially so since her latest fall and broken bones. I have been worried about her gaining strength and stamina and confidence. She worries about me and my weight, because she doesn't want me to have the same kinds of problems she has had.
I called and got her order for lunch and headed to her house.
As I got out of my car and was just about to reach back in to start hauling out the lunch goodies, I heard her yelling ... SCREAMING ... in the house. And it was the scream I recognized from when she fell in the hospital.
She was yelling, "oh no, no! Help me! No!"
I knew she had fallen.
She was trying to help me by going to open the door for me, got in a hurry and her knee gave out.
I can't explain how scary it is to hear that. Then of course I can't run, so I got to the door and in as fast as I could. Sure enough she was on the floor, flat on her face, screaming and crying.
And I didn't know what to do.
I called 911 to ask for a fall assist. Then I stood with my hand on her back, rubbing it and trying to calm her down while we waited for the EMTs to come help.
We had a long, hard talk after they left. I told mom about the sermon this morning and what I got from it. We're both gluttons. We're both scared to death about our health, too, but we both have an addiction to food.
Not to food -- to gluttony.
We talked about it a lot.
I told mom that the way I approach food is a sin. It stands between me and a normal life, It stands between me and health. Most importantly, though, it stands between me and the Lord.
I have not put to death my earthly desire for gluttony.
There is no way I can totally fulfill my desire to fully serve the Lord as long as I give in to that earthly desire. I can't be the best possible tool for Him to use if I'm not at my possible best. If I don't have the physical strength and stamina to make it through a work day then do things after work...if I don't have the ability to work my week then get up and get going on my days off. And I can't completely be the tool God deserves to have on earth and that I desire to be for Him if I am knowingly sinning every day.
This is as bad as someone who has sex outside of wedlock. As bad as someone who steals. As bad as someone who drinks constantly or uses drugs.
I knowingly sin every day and do not turn from it and have not really felt remorse for it.
I honestly think that that distance I have been feeling....no, it hasn't been a distance, but it hasn't been the closeness I have yearned for with God.
The last time I was at this point, I had a breakthrough with the guilt I have carried with me for things in my past. And it was so good and cleansing and freeing when I begged forgiveness and was truly repentent.
It's time for that again.
I told mom today this was it...that we're going to kick this. Today was a death, but tomorrow a rebirth. And it's going to be hard, but we're going to do it.
She's too young and vibrant and beautiful to hobble around on a walker for the rest of her life. She has too much to offer the world to have to be scared to just walk across a parking lot. She wants to do too much for other people to be hindered by a lack of strength and balance and confidence.
And me ... how can anyone look at me and think, "Well there goes a happy, well-balanced woman who has a good relationship with the Lord and is healthy." No way that happens.
It's time for our bodies to reflect our beliefs and our salvation.
Now I have to pray every day...every hour or minute if I have to...for the Lord to hold me and give me the strength to live the kind of life I want to now so I can be the kind of person I want to be.
A B Cs of worship
One of my Facebook friends -- a Christian jewelry store -- had a A B Cs of Praise post, asking people to reply to the post with a word that described God going through the alphabet. I missed the game, except for Z. I did the entry for it.
Since I missed the game, I did my own ABC, seen below:
Almighty
Breath of Life
Charitable
Depandable
Everlasting
Faithful
Glorious
Honorable
Immeasurable
Jealous
Kingly
Loving
Mighty
never-ending
Omnipotent
Powerful
Quick to forgive
Regal
Slow to anger
Traditional
Unbelievable
Victorious over death
Wonderful
X-traordinary
Yahweh
Zealous
Since I missed the game, I did my own ABC, seen below:
Almighty
Breath of Life
Charitable
Depandable
Everlasting
Faithful
Glorious
Honorable
Immeasurable
Jealous
Kingly
Loving
Mighty
never-ending
Omnipotent
Powerful
Quick to forgive
Regal
Slow to anger
Traditional
Unbelievable
Victorious over death
Wonderful
X-traordinary
Yahweh
Zealous
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